We're still livin'. Livin' in the eighties! We still fight! Fight in the eighties!

Monday, December 28, 2009

The Paper Bag Attacks With Beer Advertising! Fight, Videotape Gods, Fight!

So I'm listening to a football game Sunday.  That's not unusual in and of itself, I've always liked football.  Half of my family is Cajun from deep in the heart of swamp country - well, okay, it's actually Opelousas which is actually a fairly large city now, but they did start out in Ville Platte, which is two stone's throw away from Chicot State Park, which is about as swampy as you get and still be near civilization.  Anyway, the Saints are playing and Saints fans have got to be just this side of Cleveland Browns fans as far as raw deals go.  On one hand, the Browns were actually good at one time waaaay back then.  On the other hand, they never took to wearing paper bags over their heads.  On the other hand, Saints fans have never actually lost their team.  On yet another hand, Browns fans haven't almost lost their city.  So, I'd say they're both about on the same level when it comes to how much it sucks to be a fan of their respective teams.  Unfortunately for Browns fans, this year there's no real argument over who has it worse.

Saints fan or Mike Cogliandro? Hmm.

The Saints are at least guaranteed of a first round bye as I type this. If the Vikings lose tonight, they'll have home field all the way through the playoffs, which is pretty much what they need, 'cause Cleveland has actually been playing better than the Saints over the past few games, and the the secondary coach of the Saints needs to put in a shout for Scotty or Tochiro, 'cause I think that even though they're both fictional engineers that don't know squat about American football, the only way this bunch is going to get it together by the playoffs is either by magic or by having, as my old buddy Brian Sutton (aka Brian-O) used to say, "the writers on their side." 

Man, that was a long-ass meandering introduction for a post that really has nothing to do with football.  I really need to work on this blogging thing.

Anyway, I'm listening to this game and on comes this commercial for Bud Light that I know, I just KNOW I've heard before. Except the words are different.  Way different, like something from a past lifetime. But I can swear this is what I hear:

Bud Light Presents: Real Men of Genius
Real men of genius!

Today we salute you, Mr. Anime Videotape Wizard Guy
Mr. Anime Videotape Wizard Guy!

Knowing the future of anime fandom itself rests on your sweaty shoulders, you haul your ten pound mechanized war machine and multiple boxes of acetate ammo in and out of hotels and up and down flights of stairs, all for the joy of knowing some other guy five states away is going to enjoy his fourth generation copy of Magical Idol Pastel Yumi.
I think I threw my back out!

Subsisting on nothing but Twinkies and expensive hotel soda, you sit in darkness at the back of a video room full of fanboys for hours at a time because no one, but no one, touches your equipment but you.
Hands off the cartoons, fatboy!

Your nights are spent in your hotel room at three am in the morning valiantly struggling with the hotel television set connections, while trying to explain to the drooling fan sitting crosslegged on the floor why you won't spend the next three hours editing out the three Touch episodes just so he can have a full six hours worth of Gundam Double Zeta.
You'll take what you get and like it!

 So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh keeper of the holy cartoons, because when you finally pass out from exhaustion, you can rest well knowing that someone, somewhere, is taping over your hard work to make space for episodes of Thundercats.*
Mr. Anime Videotape Wizard Guy!

Your anime fu is no match for my cuteness attack!  All your female population are belonging to us!

*Not meaning to pick on Thundercats here, but it's just what came to mind. One night I got this call at about midnight from a guy on the West Coast (he'd probably just forgotten about the time differencial between California and San Antonio - that kind of thing happened quite often and I tried my best to never take offense). He was desperate because a tape I'd made for him a couple months back had been taken by his sister and she taped Thundercats over it. He didn't seem nearly so upset that she took it as much as he did what she did with it. Anyway, turns out two episodes on the tape had already been scheduled for his local club meeting that weekend and he was wondering if I could recopy the tape and get it to him by then. That kind of thing happened regularly. The "please copy this in a hurry" part, not the Thundercats part.

At least I really hope that didn't happen regularly.

"You are already dead to my kung fu. You just refuse to admit it"

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